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I have been friends for over two decades, who has overcome many obstacles, and I respect her for that. However, she's constantly blindsided by others. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Several of her friends vanished at that point, as they were drawn to the spouse. This surprised her. She made greater energy toward our bond, and must have grasped better the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several close to her have disappeared leaving her knowing the cause. The company she worked for turned on her, although she had been highly competent, and she left not understanding the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, both of us stepped back from work leading to more frequent meetups, but I am finding my position in the relationship is to listen. I open subjects and she changes them to things she cares about. Politically, she expresses strong opinions. I attempt to recommend double-checking information and different perspectives.

She is planning a vacation abroad I've visited on several occasions and resided in for some time. I attempted to share advice, however, my input not welcomed. She really solely sought my agreement with her choices. I've just come back from four weeks in that country she hopes to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to be a friend who cuts and runs without a word, yet I doubt she can comprehend the effect of how she acts on my confidence. At this point, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

One option is to end things abruptly, yet this is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. But confrontation aiming for resolution demands strength and willingness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step is to state what typically happens during your discussions. It should be based on facts like exactly what occurs. The second involves sharing how this leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement on this point. Emotions belong to you, of course. Step three involves requesting ways you together will alter the pattern between you."

Consider that she also has a point of view, so you need to be prepared to listen to her. One effective method is to say her:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to not say anything for a set time."

It's remarkably effective in fostering mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

Your friend may dismiss all you say, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative of their life they cannot abandon as it feels essential is tied to it and it's all familiar to them. This poses a challenge because there's no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might initially present this way before reflecting on your words. And should a resolution isn't found a fix, you'll have satisfaction knowing you were honest with her.